My Unconventional Approach to Parenting (and Education)

As with most issues in life, I method parenting 6 children with a little bit of a unique model. I’ve been identified to scrub my hair with mud, and brush my enamel with charcoal, and I’m simply as unconventional in elevating my children. At present I’m sharing what this method seems like, the way it’s developed over time, and the way it ties into our homeschool journey.

I don’t count on everybody to agree with me, however hopefully by sharing my story you possibly can take what resonates with you. I at all times attempt to study one thing from everybody I meet and I hope you method these ideas with the identical open thoughts! Even should you don’t homeschool, I’ve discovered this primary rules method to parenting can have some fairly drastic outcomes!

Table of Contents

You Are Your Personal Infinite Autonomous Being

Sure, that’s fairly the mouthful, however I do actually consider that about individuals! And since my youngsters are individuals too, I deal with them the identical manner. I begin right here, as a result of this concept lays the inspiration for each different parenting determination I make. I see my youngsters as inherently entire, succesful, and smart in their very own manner. They’re naturally born filled with curiosity, creativity, and the flexibility to assume critically.

Not so positive?

Effectively, right here’s one instance. In 1968, a pair of researchers got down to examine the creativity of 1,600 preschool age youngsters. Their aim was to see what number of children met the factors for a artistic genius. Somebody who might drawback resolve, assume critically, and assume outdoors the field.

They discovered a surprising 98% of the younger youngsters scored as artistic geniuses. Once they retested the identical youngsters at ages 10 and 15, their creativity scores had steadily plummeted to only 12%. A bunch of adults of their 30s who got the identical take a look at? They scored at 2% creativity. That previous saying “In case you don’t use it you lose it” applies to our creativity and determination making processes too!

A Paradigm Shift

The most important takeaway from the 1968 examine was that youngsters are born with these abilities. Studying this stuff modified my excited about how I needed to method parenting my children. I’m not making an attempt to form my youngsters right into a predefined mildew of who I believe they need to be. As an alternative, my parenting tries to honor them as an entire individual.

A part of this method includes utilizing intrinsic (not exterior motivation). Sure, sticker charts and guarantees of cookies for a reward might get the habits we would like within the second. Nonetheless, when youngsters make that inner determination for themselves and may see the worth in it, constructive habits usually tend to stick. Not like conventional parenting (and training) this method prioritizes connection and belief otherwise.

I’ll admit that I used to be far more structured with my older children once they had been youthful! I’ve even received some push again from them on how my parenting has modified with their youthful siblings. It’s attention-grabbing to see their differing opinions, however then once more, they’re every their very own individual.

Parenting as a Information and Accomplice

Whereas I do consider my children are born with innate knowledge about their very own our bodies, knowledge additionally develops with age. I do know I’ve tremendously benefited from others’ shared life experiences and knowledge over time. In the identical manner I see my position as a mother to be a mentor and a information for my youngsters.

This includes respecting my youngsters’s feelings, wants, and experiences, as a substitute of merely relying alone assumptions. I additionally don’t attempt to drive them to do issues and assist them to self-regulate and make their very own knowledgeable choices. A technique I do that is by modeling constructive behaviors

Many individuals are stunned once I inform them I don’t make my children eat wholesome meals! I make sure that our house is stocked with wholesome meals and it’s out there to them, however it’s as much as them to eat it. And in the event that they’re out to eat at a good friend’s home, they need to study to make good selections for themselves. With somewhat steering, children can study which meals make their our bodies really feel good and powerful, and which of them don’t.

I might additionally argue that we actually can’t make anybody do something. Ask any guardian of a toddler who doesn’t need to eat his broccoli!

A part of that is serving to my children study to manage their very own feelings. Some (most) days parenting will be arduous. This could deliver up quite a lot of overwhelm and difficult feelings. As an alternative of placing the duty of this on my children, I attempt to take duty for my very own parenting triggers.

Make it Irresistible

One other lesson I’ve discovered the arduous manner, is that what we make off limits is what children will discover interesting. After I was a teen, I actually needed to get my ears pierced a second time. Nonetheless, my dad and mom mentioned no. As soon as I left residence as an grownup, I made a decision to get piercings… an entire lot of them! At one level I used to be as much as 33 piercings.

I ultimately realized I didn’t want (or really need) that many. It wasn’t very comfy to sleep anymore for one factor! Lately I had a full circle second on this with my very own teenage daughter. She requested for a second ear piercing and I used to be completely happy to get interested in it along with her. We mentioned what she thought, why she needed one, and helped her come to an knowledgeable determination. Her having the ability to discover that call and have that dialog in a manner was additionally therapeutic for me.

Critics might argue that youngsters can’t study intrinsic motivation and bounds except we give them exterior limits. Nonetheless, I actually really feel that true construction arises when youngsters are given the area to experiment, fail, and study inside protected limits. The concept for me is to guardian by connection as a substitute of coercion and develop a powerful relationship.

Training Reimagined

With all that mentioned, my parenting method additionally influences how we homeschool. I like to think about it as a child-led, curiosity-driven method. When my oldest was first approaching faculty age, I bear in mind studying so many parenting and training books. What I discovered was that a lot of them didn’t resonate with how I needed my children to have the ability to study and develop.

After loads of analysis (and a few trial and error), I adopted just a few core parts when it got here to my children’ training.

Prioritizing intrinsic motivation as a substitute of exterior rewards and punishments
Letting my youngsters prepared the ground in what they had been curious about
Studying by sensible life abilities

Everybody can have their very own manner of approaching their little one’s training and a few of it additionally relies on their state’s necessities. We reside in a reasonably free state with regards to homeschooling rules. So my children can examine the containers for what the state requires fairly rapidly, then they’re free to maneuver onto what I contemplate the actual studying!

In Actual Life

So what does this truly seem like?

We don’t have a typical homeschool day, however I encourage my children to study by what they’re curious about. For my one son which means studying tons of books each single week. Lately, for my daughter that meant planning and executing a complete room transform in the home. Together with planning the room structure, budgeting, and constructing a library … full with a rolling ladder! They’ve taken lessons in anatomy, science, and different topics relying on their passions.

I encourage sensible life abilities. Every of my children has a contract with me the place they’ve agreed no mobile phone or automotive till they’ve had a worthwhile enterprise for one 12 months. We take numerous discipline journeys, they usually take possession, present management, and comply with by with plans.

The Case for Unconventional Training

This method can come as a shock for some. Don’t we want the entire faculty topics each single day? Don’t children have to be in a classroom for 8 hours? What about pages of a number of selection checks to ensure they’re studying? Whereas none of this stuff are inherently unhealthy or incorrect, I’d problem that they’re mandatory for true training.

After I assume again to my grade faculty training, I bear in mind little or no of the details I discovered in my textbooks. What I do bear in mind are the experiences and pursuits that challenged me and me.

One thing that basically shocked me? I discovered that youngsters who actually obtained no formal education in any respect, in the event that they resolve to go to school later, it takes them lower than a 12 months to completely catch as much as their friends. The vital key right here, is once they have the interior motivation to study, they quickly catch up. My good friend Jesse Elder had an identical expertise. Though he by no means had any conventional education, it under no circumstances hindered him from changing into a extremely profitable entrepreneur. You possibly can take heed to extra of his story right here on the podcast.

Researchers have identified for over a decade that unschooled youngsters are able to thriving in a university surroundings. They famous that unschooled college students who went to school (together with Ivy League faculties) simply adjusted to the lecturers and had been capable of rapidly decide up the wanted abilities. The scholars reported their self-motivation and self-learning gave them a bonus over their friends. 20-50% of those college students pursued STEM careers that required superior arithmetic and science programs.

Addressing Considerations to Unconventional Parenting

One of many widespread issues is that this child-led method can lack mandatory construction. Nonetheless, I’ve discovered that with some assist and steering, youngsters can start to study inner self-discipline. It will possibly take an adjustment interval in the event that they’re not used to this.

One other widespread objection is what about socialization? Between youth group, observe meets, tumbling class, and different teams, in my expertise homeschooled children can have loads of socialization alternatives! I’d additionally problem the concept that children must solely be with their friends all day. Having teams with combined ages and variety helps them study to work together with every kind of individuals.

Examples of This Method to Training

The concept of stepping away from standard training is sort of a psychological leap for most individuals. In my analysis, I discovered some attention-grabbing examples of this all through historical past.

Thomas Edison, arguably probably the most influential inventors in historical past, was dismissed from his native faculty home. The academics mentioned he was “addled,” deemed him unable to study and despatched him residence. With a grand whole of three months at a conventional faculty, Edison was as a substitute homeschooled within the fundamentals by his mother. He largely taught himself by studying, analysis, and experimentation.

Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the phone, is one other instance. He attended faculty for about 4 years earlier than dropping out and changing into self-taught. The prolific creator Agatha Christie was additionally homeschooled and taught herself to learn at a younger age. Abraham Lincoln was homeschooled and largely self-taught. The primary feminine Supreme Court docket justice, Sandra Day O’Connor, accredited her robust basis in crucial pondering to her early homeschool days.

There are a lot of extra examples of this, however I believe you get the concept! On a extra private be aware, I’ve seen creativity blossom in my very own children. My children frequently amaze me with the options they provide you with which might be much better than something I might have given them!

Key Takeaways and Ultimate Ideas

This method does demand extra from dad and mom, however I’ve discovered the deeper connections and belief are value it. Whereas I’m definitely not good, I attempt to deal with my youngsters as their very own infinite autonomous beings. It’s about approaching them with curiosity and serving to information them to develop their very own innate abilities.

I do know this technique is de facto outdoors of the field for a lot of, however I hope you possibly can method it with curiosity.

I’d love to listen to your ideas! Did any of this resonate with you? How do you method parenting and training?

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